The trouble with the world is that everybody in it is three drinks behind.
 Humphrey Bogart

A toast is all at once a poem, a public prayer, a proverb, a secret sentiment, a roast,
a bit of wit, a and a veritable verbal badge of social facility...a good toast is hard to find.
 Dave Fulmer,actor/director/writer

Don't be swindled into believing there's any cure for a hangover. I've then all: iced tomatoes, hot clam juice, brandy punches. Like the common cold it defies solution.Time alone can stay it. The hair of the dog? That way lies folly. It's as logical as trying to put out a fire with kerosene.
 Tallulah Bankhead, actress

This "old wives" superstition that a cup of black coffee will "put you back on your feet"
with a hangover is either propaganda by the coffee people or the work of dilettante drinkers who get giddy on cooking sherry. A man with a real hangover is in no mood to be told "Just take a cup of black coffee" or "The thing for you is a couple of aspirin." A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
 Robert Benchley, humorist/actor

I have made an important discovery...that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.
 Oscar Wilde, playwright, critic

A man's not drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
 Joe E. Lewis, entertainer

Nothing ever tasted better than a cold beer on a beautiful afternoon with nothing to look
forward to but more of the same.
 Hugh Hood

Give me another drink and I'll tell you all you want to know.
 Fats Waller, jazz musician

I envy people who drink-at least they know what to blame everything on.
 Oscar Levant, composer/ pianist

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my customers serve it on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
 Al Capone

I drink no more than a sponge.
 Francois Rabelais, writer

Anybody that can't get drunk by midnight ain't trying.
 Toots Shor, hotelier

I drink [champagne] when I'm happy and when I'm sad. Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it-unless I'm thirsty.
 Lily Bollinger, French champagne heir

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
 Hunter S. Thompson

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
 Dylan Thomas, poet

Liquor is not a necessity. It is a means of momentarily side stepping necessity.
 Clifton Fadiman, author

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave it up... reading, that is.
 Henny Youngman, comedian

I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.
 H. L. Mencken, author

A drunk at a bar said to a man sitting next to him, "One drink always makes me drunk." The other guy says, "You're kidding-only one?"
The drunk reels back in his seat, "Yeah , and it's usually the sixth."

I don't have a drinking problem except when I can't get one.
 Tom Waits, singer

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
 William butler Yeats, poet/playwright

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
 George Bernard Shaw, irish essayist

Like a camel I can go without a drink for seven days, and have on several horrible occasions.
 Herb Caen, columnist

There are two things a highlander likes naked, and one of them is malt whisky.
 Scottish proverb

No doubt alcohol, tobacco, and so forth, are things that a saint must avoid, but sainthood is also a thing that human beings must avoid.
 George Orwell, Writer

You can't be a Real Country unless you have A Beer and an airline-it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at
the very least you need A Beer.
 Frank Zappa, musician

The rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure of drinking at somebody else's expense.
 H.S. Leigh, author

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
 Jean Kerr, writer

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
 Mark Twain, author

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy.
 Benjamin Franklin

Just shut up and drink bitch!
 Anonymous